Friday, June 29, 2007

Germany Says They Won’t Let Tom Cruise Kill Hitler

Once upon a time, there was a German Colonel named Claus von Stauffenberg, who tried to kill Hitler with a suitcase bomb. Well, he failed, and got shot. When Hollywood producers heard about this, they instantly sprang to make a movie about it (surprise). Somewhere along the line, someone apparently went: “Hey, you know who can play a German really well? Tom Cruise!” Well, you’d think that that guy would be instantly fired, but instead, everyone went: “Brilliant!” and they went out and got Tom Cruise.

They got everything set up to film in Germany, in the spots where everything had historically occurred, but then the German government popped in to say a few words. Specifically, these words were: “Knock that shit off” (but in German, so “Schlagen Sie diese Scheiße ab”). The German government banned any production of the film from taking place on military sites.

The best part was their reasoning for the ban. They stated that it was because Tom Cruise was a Scientologist. The German Government has stated that “scientology is a cult that masquerades as a religion for the purposes of making money.” Which it is, I suppose. I’m just surprised that they’d come right out and say it, that’s all.

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