Thursday, December 27, 2007

Fantasy Star III: The Villains Unleashed

Fantasy Star is a 12-part analysis of the similarities between Final Fantasy XII and the Star Wars trilogies.


Judge Magister Gabranth clearly takes inspiration from Darth Vader. Not only does the design of Gabranth’s mask echo Vader’s, speaking through it also gives his voice a deep intonation. Underneath the mask, Gabranth resembles Anakin Skywalker in Attack of the Clones. Gabranth’s allegiance to the Emperor is a result of a series of personal tragedies. The death of his mother and seeming betrayal from Basch influenced him to seek a path towards the Empire. Just like Vader, Gabranth is convinced by the heroes to turn on the Emperor. Again, like Vader, Gabranth is fatally injured in the ensuing battle. They are redeemed for their past actions by the surviving heroes.


Vayne and Palpatine are introduced as charismatic politicians seeking stability among the populace. However, they believe it can only be achieved through absolute subjugation. Both ascend to higher positions of power through deception and treachery. Both characters disband the Senate after proclaiming themselves the Emperor. Like Palpatine, Vayne expects the utmost loyalty from his subjects. Vayne orders Gabranth to kill Judge Magister Drace as a test of his allegiance, much like when Palpatine ordered Anakin to kill Count Dooku. Despite his seemingly delicate appearance, Vayne is well versed in combat and the manipulation of Nethicite. Despite the overwhelming powers at their disposal, Vayne and Palpatine die onboard their respective superfortresses after being betrayed by a trusted ally.


Doctor Cid is as much responsible for Vayne’s war effort as Count Dooku to Palpatine’s. Both were once revered members of their respective organizations before being corrupted by power. Cid’s manipulation over Nethicite is comparable to Dooku’s mastery of the Force. While both characters are quite formidable in combat, they still rely on others to do the fighting for them.


Judge Magister Ghis, like Grand Moff Tarkin, is a senior Imperial officer that answers only to the Emperor. The two share some facial resemblance. Both overestimate their safety as a result of the hulking vehicles under their command and take great pleasure in gloating to the respective princesses they have captured. Ghis died onboard the Leviathan when it exploded due to an unforeseen mechanical failure from a small piece of Nethicite. Tarkin died onboard the Death Star when it exploded from an attack by small group of starfighters.

Archadian Empire

The Archadian Empire plays the same role as the Galactic Empire. Members of both empires talk with British accents. Both share a seeming centricity towards humans over the other races. The Judge Magisters are the Archadian equivalent of Sith Lords. Judge Magisters not only hold high positions within the Empire, but they’re also gifted with magical abilities beyond that of a normal person. Along with these terrifying individuals, the empires also favor the use of superweapons against their adversaries.


Gilgamesh, like General Grievous, is a multi-limbed master of blades. Gilgamesh challenges adventurers and takes their weapons upon defeat. Grievous does the same with vanquished Jedi foes.

John DiMaggio, Gilgamesh’s American voice actor, also played General Grievous in Star Wars: Clone Wars.


Ba’Gamnan, along with other bounty hunters, eagerly seeks the reward for Balthier. He has a professional relationship with Gabranth similar to the one between Boba Fett and Darth Vader. During a battle with the heroes in the Nam-Yensa Sandsea, Ba’Gamnan falls off a platform to his seeming demise, just like Boba Fett’s fall into the Sarlacc Pit.

Steven Blum, Ba’Gamnan’s American voice actor, had roles in Star Wars: Empire at War, Star Wars: Battlefront II, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic I and II, Star Wars: Jedi Knight I and II, Star Wars: Force Commander, Star Wars: X-Wing Alliance and Star Wars: X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Fantasy Star II: The Emergence of Heroes

Fantasy Star is a 12-part analysis of the similarities between Final Fantasy XII and the Star Wars trilogies.


Vaan resembles Luke Skywalker from A New Hope. Both characters are blonde haired orphans of roughly the same age. Vaan and Luke are very naïve about the world around them due to their sheltered lifestyles. Vaan lives in Rabanastre’s Lowtown rather than Rabanastre proper, just like how the Skywalker family lives outside of the busy Mos Eisley port city. Both characters dream of possessing flight vehicles in order to leave their homes in the desert. Through a series of events, Vaan finds himself joining up with two criminals, a forgotten knight and a princess, and getting involved in a conflict against an empire. Vaan’s first weapon is a sword, similar to Luke’s use of a lightsaber as his weapon. It’s also interesting to note that one of Vaan’s first missions is to clear a sewer of Dire Rats, earning him the nickname “Vaan Ratsbane.” One of Luke’s pastimes included shooting womp rats with his T-16 Skyhopper.


Balthier is a near match to Han Solo. Both wear similar outfits, consisting of a white long sleeved shirt, vest, dark pants, dark shoes and holsters. His initial weapon is a gun, echoing Han’s use of a blaster as his primary weapon. Beyond superficial similarities, Balthier shares the same cocky attitude as Han, as well as the tendency to use a reward to mask acts of altruism. He demands Princess Ashe to give him her ring as payment for escorting her to the Garif village but he eventually gives the ring back. This mirrors Han’s demand for a reward for rescuing Leia and later coming back to help the rebels despite having already been paid for his service. Balthier is a sky pirate with his own ship, the Strahl, just like how Han is a smuggler operating via his Millennium Falcon. Both characters have become notorious enough to have prices on their heads, causing ruthless bounty hunters to chase them.

Gideon Emery, Balthier’s American voice actor, has done work in Star Wars: Empire at War and Star Wars: Battlefront.


Fran serves as the Chewbacca to Balthier’s Han Solo. On top of the animalistic traits, Fran also shares Chewie’s minimalist approach to clothing. The two characters are adept mechanics and are extremely loyal to their respective partners in crime. Both are capable of dealing great amounts of physical damage during fits of berserker rage. Fran is also introduced in the game with a bow and arrows as her weapon. Chewbacca uses a bowcaster, a traditional Wookie crossbow, as his weapon. She is significantly older than the other members of the party. Fran is a Viera, and like Wookies, means she naturally has a longer lifespan than humans.

Nicole Fantl, Fran’s American voice actor, appeared in Attack of the Clones as Senator Lexi Dio.


Like Obi-Wan, Basch is a former knight of an overthrown government and is long thought dead by the public. Basch’s initial weapon is a sword, like Obi-Wan’s choice of a lightsaber for his weapon. Both characters adhere strongly to a code of honor, willing to dedicate themselves to a cause greater than personal gain. Basch has a personal connection to Judge Magister Gabranth in the same way Obi-Wan Kenobi is connected to Darth Vader, destined to meet each other for one final battle.

Keith Ferguson, Basch’s American voice actor, played Han Solo in Robot Chicken.


Princess Ashe is very much like the amalgamation of the political aspects of Princess Leia and Queen/Senator Padme Amidala. She shares their dedication to the citizens. Ashe is fighting to liberate her people from the corrupt Imperial rule. To do so, she joined the underground resistance and became an important figure within the group. She values peace but also does not shy away from physical combat. Ashe is descended from the Dynast-King and therefore able to use Nethicite much like how Leia is Force sensitive due to her being Darth Vader’s daughter.

Kari Wahlgren, Ashe’s American voice actor, has done work for Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, Star Wars: Empire at War and the Revenge of the Sith game.


Penelo is an amalgamation of the nonpolitical characteristics of Leia and Padme. Penelo is the most emotional and most passive member of the party. Penelo parallels Leia in the sense that she is simultaneously like a sibling and an ambiguous romantic possibility for Vaan. She also develops a friendship with the young Larsa, similar to Padme’s connection to the young Anakin in The Phantom Menace.

Cat Taber, Penelo’s American voice actor, voiced Mission Vao in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and plays Princess Leia in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Fantasy Star I: A Brief History

Fantasy Star is a 12-part analysis of the similarities between Final Fantasy XII and the Star Wars trilogies.

I bought Final Fantasy XII a couple months ago. I enjoyed the new developments it had from other games in the series with regards to gameplay and graphics. As for the story, there was something about it that kept me from fully enjoying the experience. It felt very familiar. I thought I was just being paranoid but the more I played, the more I realized that Final Fantasy XII is actually Square Enix’s take on Star Wars. I looked online and found that I wasn’t the only person to notice the similarities. However, these people usually only have a brief list of the parallels from the game and the two Star Wars trilogies. Since I didn’t find any in-depth articles about the subject matter, I decided to write one on my own.

Before jumping into Final Fantasy XII, it’s best to look at prior games in the series because finding Star Wars references in Final Fantasy certainly isn’t anything new. A comprehensive list of them, along with others unrelated to Star Wars, can be found at Final Fantasy Compendium. I’ll just point out several of the more notable examples from various games in the series.

In Final Fantasy VI, Locke rescues Celes and their resulting exchange echoes that scene of Luke rescuing Leia in A New Hope.
Celes: You’re awfully short for a soldier.
Leia: Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?

In Final Fantasy IX, Necron says to the main characters, "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." That quote was part of Yoda’s dialogue in The Phantom Menace.

Out of all the Star Wars references found in the Final Fantasy games, the inclusion of two characters named Wedge and Biggs has become as integral to the series as those of chocobos and Cids. The pair can be found in Final Fantasy VI, VII, VIII, X, X-2 and, of course, XII.

What separates Final Fantasy XII from past games and their simple references is its incorporation of themes from the Star Wars movies. These range from characters, to plot elements, to music, to art direction. As you’ll see in the following installments, Final Fantasy XII takes things to another level.

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Saturday, November 24, 2007

Assessing Creed

I don’t have much new material to add to this current hullabaloo regarding Ubisoft’s cease and desist order concerning a pornographic comic depicting Jade Raymond, one of the talented individuals behind Assassin’s Creed. People from all sides have made valid points. Ubisoft has no legal standing, the comic falls under free speech, the comic and its creator is offensive, Something Awful has nothing to do with the creation of the comic, etc. However, among the numerous blog posts and comments, something caught my attention.

Holly of Feministe made an interesting observation concerning the artistic quality of the comic. Holly writes:

Sadly, it wasn’t a poorly drawn doodle by a talentless teenager: it was a pro-quality web comic done by someone experienced. (Update: it was in fact a published comic author who made it, see below.)

It’s been brought to my attention that the comic was drawn by Dave Cheung, the creator of Chugworth Academy. I’m mentioning this in part because some might assume the comic was a hasty stick-figure scribble by a middle school brat. But Cheung is a published author who’s well known in some circles; you can buy his latest book on Amazon, but I wouldn’t recommend it unless you crave glossy schoolgirl wank material. Plus, the comic is still up on his Deviant Art page. Since he seems to enjoy degrading other creative professionals–enough to have created and posted a congratulatory “Made Jade Cry” achievement on his site–I figured his name might as well be out there too. Of course, he’ll probably just enjoy the negative attention, so please don’t feed the trolls.

Since I wasn’t sure how relevant those details were to the situation, they stuck clearly in my mind. I want everyone to try to answer the following question: Would this situation have been any different if the comic WAS a poorly drawn doodle by a talentless teenager as opposed to a pro-quality web comic done by someone experienced?

I’m no longer a teenager nor am I a talentless artist. But let’s pretend that I am so talentless, that I am unable to draw anything besides snowmen. I made my own rendition of Dave Cheung’s original comic in that artistically retarded snowman style.

Here’s the NSFW original. Compare that to my crappy five minute rendition. It has snowmen masturbating and one getting a snow job. Not sure if that qualifies as NSFW.

So tell me, is the comic more or less outrageous? Does being a crappy artist somehow soften the blow (no pun intended, wait, pun intended!)? I personally think it does discount the subject matter to some degree. Think of what South Park is able to get away with in each episode and then imagine that same episode as if it was done in live action, child actors and all. It’s an unfortunate but inescapable aspect of life that people will continue to judge someone or something based on appearance. It’s unfortunate because it shows exactly how one individual with the same intention as another can be discounted merely due to their difference in technique. It’s inescapable because it’s human nature. It ultimately goes back to one of the main arguments about this topic concerning Jade Raymond: if Jade Raymond wasn’t a woman, let alone an attractive one, perhaps none of this would have happened.

The only other opinion I have on the matter is Ubisoft and possibly Raymond will look worse coming out of it than Something Awful or Dave Cheung. Think of the way the MPAA and RIAA have been suing individuals and shutting down websites. Sure, digital piracy is wrong because the materials in question are owned by the corporations. But the way the lawyers emphasize money and ownership makes it seem that they’re being all the more greedy. Apply this to Ubisoft’s actions. The extent to which Ubisoft is attempting to protect Jade Raymond’s image and reputation makes it seem like said image and reputation is more important than that of anyone else on the Internet. And aren’t we all people that can get just as offended if we found ourselves as the target in a pornographic comic?

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Lead Singer of Linkin Park Not So Emo As He Appears

Whether or not things are crawling in his skin, and whether or not he does indeed bear wounds that will not heal, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park may not be as emo as he appears.

In a show in Australia last weekend, Chester showed off his dexterity skills after the fourth song, and promptly fell off the stage. Due to the fact that he must have put all his skill points in Charisma, the fall resulted in a broken arm. At this point, it would not be difficult to guess what Chester would do, being the lead singer of a band that has helped popularize the current “emo music” trend in what is considered to be modern rock these days. The most obvious act to follow up one the act of arm-breaking, would be to cry about it. Loudly. With angsty guitars and whiny harmonies backing him up.

Chester, however, did not take this course of action. He finished the show with his broken arm, running around on stage and screaming out the rest of the set for more than an hour. Perhaps some of his screams were real pain this time, but the fact that he decided to man up and finish the show is impressive. Perhaps Linkin Park deserves a second chance. Perhaps they will lead rock music away from the emo trend. Perhaps they will stand as shining examples of strength for depressed teenagers everywhere.

Then again, perhaps I will shit out pure gold.

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Monday, October 8, 2007

Die, Rebel Scum

X Wing Rocket - Watch more free videos

Andy Woerner and friends built a replica of a Star Wars X-Wing fighter and shot it out in the California desert. The resulting launch was, well, let's just say it was on par with the quality of the prequel trilogy.

Watching this video makes me wonder exactly how the Rebels won the Galactic Civil War. Oh yeah, it's because Darth Vader used to be a pansy, so his pansy ass son, Luke, got him to switch sides so they could kill the Emperor with tears and poetry. God I hate George Lucas.

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Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Nicolas Cage Wakes Up To Naked Burglar

Let me tell you how my weekends go. As soon as it hits 11pm, I take off my clothes, run outside, and go break into celebrities homes. It’s tough work, but someone has to do it.

That’s why it makes me so sad to hear about this poor man who was caught on Monday morning, running around nearly naked in Nicolas Cage’s house. That man is doing a job that no one else wants to do, and Nicolas Cage has to go and bust him, just because he’s rubbing his wang on various pieces of furniture. It ain’t fair, man. It ain’t fair. Those pieces of furniture were asking for it.

Oh, and by the way - isn't this an awesome mug shot? That's totally the look a dog gives you when it's being scolded for peeing on the carpet. You know that a policeman is probably standing over him with a rolled up newspaper right now.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Break The Walls Down

This is a short ad that ran during Monday Night Raw. Could Chris Jericho be returning to the WWE? Consider the following:

a) The video has a similar feel to Jericho's titantron videos.

b) Audio can be heard saying, "I'm back." On Jericho's MySpace page it says, "I'm coming back."

c) Compare the cities of the Raw and pay-per-view tapings with those found on Jericho's book tour on a date by date basis. Notice Jericho doesn't have signings on Mondays. Notice the relatively short distance between his appearance locations and where the WWE will be.

d) Jericho teased a possible return during his appearance on Larry King while sitting next to John Cena, the man that retired him storyline wise.

e) The WWE is in serious need of big name talent right now.

You decide.

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Friday, September 21, 2007

Bloggle Vision: Tokyo Popped

"Bloggle Vision" is a weekly, speculative column on topics as near as a day in the future up to as far away as a year. Remember to check back on each entry to see how close the predictions ended up being.

a) As can be seen at the Tokyo Game Show, Square-Enix continues to bleed its existing franchises dry. I predict a Kingdom Hearts movie will be made in the same vein as Advent Children. Only problem being that Disney will be a dick about the use of its characters, forcing Square-Enix to focus the story soley on the original characters like Sora, Riku, etc. It will come out on the 10th anniversary of the first Kingdom Hearts game.

b) Metal Gear Solid 4 is shaping up to be the end all game in the series. I predict the Chinese will finally have an in-game presence after being mentioned several times in previous titles. Check out the photos of some of the models used for Metal Gear Solid 4.

c) Smash Bros. Dojo has revealed all the characters that have to date been seen in screenshots and footage. I predict next week's character reveal to be Luigi.

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Sunday, September 16, 2007

Super Mario Galaxy : Next-Gen Platformer Or Gay Conspiracy?

Earlier this year when the Wii was released, gamers around the world were disappointed when Nintendo was unable to follow through with their promise to launch with a title starring the ever-famous Mario. When you hear the word Nintendo, Mario is often the first thing you think of. Considering how revolutionary the Wii is supposed to be, it would have been appropriate for Mario to be there on launch. To everyone's dismay, everyone's favorite plumber was MIA.

Until now.

With the dry spell of new game releases coming to an end, the holiday season draws near and each next-gen console is ready to unleash the big guns. Nintendo made their head start with their holiday season trifecta already with Metroid Prime 3 : Corruption just a few weeks ago and the next in line to do some damage is Super Mario Galaxy. As its November release comes closer, we are finally treated to the box art... but, wait. What's this I see? I think I got a few sparkles in my eye. Literally.

There's word going around the forums that in the Japanese box art provided above, if you look closely to the words Super Mario Galaxy, there are sparkles placed under certain letters. If you put together all the letters that have a tiny sparkle under them, it spells out "U R MR GAY". It may very well be all coincidence to the Japanese box art, but it's also found here, which appears to be the American box art.

Is Super Mario Galaxy the next-gen platformer we've been waiting for? Or is it just a front for the next-gen gay agenda?

Reggie, the jig is up.

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Man Makes A Good Fraction Of My Yearly Income Playing WoW

Original Story Here

A man sold his WoW account on eBay for 7,000 euro, which is about $9,500 (and going up, thanks to exchange rates). Among his gear, besides 4 out of 5 pieces of his tier 6 armor (Best set in the game currently), he has both of the Twin Blades of Azzinoth (Best weapon a rogue can have). The best part, is that according to the story, there is a very good chance the man who bought this rogue was banned from WoW, making him about 10 grand in the hole with nothing to show for it.

To my knowledge, this is the most expensive character ever sold in a video game.

As an aside, I recall not too long ago, a European copy of Kizuna Encounter for the Neo Geo sold on eBay for 13 grand. A European copy of this game, in mint condition, is worth way too much, with only 4 known copies in existence (There were 3 known until about 2 months ago, when someone found another one).

It pays to game.

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Saturday, September 15, 2007

College Professor Caught Unaware With Colombian Import

The Associated Press has a story about how Shakira
attended a Western Civilization class over the summer
at the University of California, Los Angeles.
Lecturer Robert Cleve had no knowledge of Shakira's
pop star status during her entire time in his class.
Cleve said:

"She told me she was visiting from Colombia and that
she was just doing this for her own enlightenment and
enjoyment," Cleve said. "She looked like just an
ordinary student. She wasn't flamboyant ... she didn't
act like a big celebrity or anything."

Granted Shakira may have disguised herself with one
of those glasses with the fake nose and mustache, but
shouldn't certain other things raise some flags? Like
only going by one name or being a Colombian that's
taking the class "for her own enlightenment and
enjoyment?" If the professor didn't even notice that
gigantic ass attached to her body, we can at least
agree that Shakira certainly wasn't the
flamboyant one.

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Friday, September 14, 2007

Bloggle Vision: Undead Edition

"Bloggle Vision" is a weekly, speculative column on topics as near as a day in the future up to as far away as a year. Remember to check back on each entry to see how close the predictions ended up being.

a) This Sunday is WWE's Unforgiven. It's a given that Undertaker will win in his return match against Mark Henry. But will it end there? I say this feud goes on a bit longer and caps off at Survivor Series in some type of stipulation match. I predict a Buried Alive match. I'm also thinking John Cena will lose the belt again Randy Orton in what should be a bloody match.

b) Kotaku reports that Capcom will be making three huge announcements at next week's Tokyo Game Show. One of them will be multiplayer on Resident Evil 5. Another will be a sequel to Dead Rising. The third will be the lifting of exlusivity for various PS3 and Xbox 360 titles.

c) reveals possible sequel news from an interview with George A. Romero. Romero said that if "Diary of the Dead" is successful, then the Weinsteins will want him to write another movie. This will in fact happen because I will do what it takes to bring up the box office sales.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Bionic Woman Needs Work

The Daily Mail writes that Demi Moore is unhappy with her career opportunities as a result of her age. Moore said:

"It's been a challenging few years, being the age I am. Almost to the point where I felt like, well, they don't know what to do with me. I am not 20. Not 30.

There aren't that many good roles for women over 40. A lot of them don't have much substance, other than being someone's mother or wife."

That's probably because women over 40 are usually mothers or wives. What type of role is she interested in that doesn't involve being a mother or a wife? Is it a cheerleader? A grad student? It's funny that Demi Moore isn't interested in playing that type of role because along comes a young starlet like Jessica Alba who's interested in playing a mother AND a wife. In an interview about continuing the Fantastic Four franchise, Alba said:
“I think the next thing we have to go through is having a baby. That’s what happens next,” Alba reiterated to MTV News last week. “Franklin comes along and the Fantastic Four have to deal with this powerful new child.”

I understand Moore's complaint about ageism but I can't recall ever lauding her acting skills in films like "Striptease" or "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle." She's a woman that's spent thousands of dollars on procedures like liposuction, breast implants, and collagen injections. I have a feeling it has less to do with age than it does her thinking she's entitled to roles strictly due to her sex appeal.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Bale Snakes Toward Metal Gear

The latest issue of the U.K. Magazine, Nuts, has an interview with Christian Bale. Bale mentions that he is vying for the role of Solid Snake in the upcoming film version of "Metal Gear Solid."

Seems like a good sign if the goddamned Batman is one of the possible choices for the lead character. Makes you wonder who else is eager to become the tank busting, stealth sneaking, ninja beating, chain smoking and cardboard box wearing Snake. And yes, I do realize that the posted image is of Bale in a Snake Eater type environment. I'd rather put him in a picture with Eva than with someone like Otacon or Raiden.

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Monday, September 10, 2007

Dick In A Box Results In Golden Shower

Just when I think that I've had enough of award shows, thanks in no small part to this year's craptastic MTV Video Music Awards, the Emmy Awards manage to grab my attention. USA Today reports that the SNL Digital Short, Dick in a Box, was awarded an Emmy. Andy Samberg, Dick in a Box co-creator, said:

"I think it's safe to say that when we first set out to make this song, we were all thinking 'Emmy!'" Samberg said in accepting the award Saturday for best original music and lyrics.

"The other thing we were thinking was, 'Hey! Here's this young up and comer, Justin Timberlake, who is clearly very talented and could clearly use a break,'" Samberg said. "So, Justin, if you're out there, congrats to you, kid.'"

Not to knock on the award winners, because they deserve it, but they were clearly pandering to judges. One of the other nominees for the award was the "Scrubs" song, Guy Love. Just including a banana hammock in your footage results in an automatic Emmy consideration. Seeing Justin Timberlake in a goatee made it a no-brainer for the judging panel.

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Saturday, September 8, 2007

Tila For The Fn' Win

See what I did for the headline? Everyone reporting on this story tried to do a play off of "Tequila." Not me, though. I went old school since she used to go by her last name of "Nguyen." Anyways, have you ever watched "Flavor of Love" and "I Love New York" and wondered why they don't just combine the hijinks done by the male and female participants into a single super show? Wonder no more. Tila Tequila (in case you can't tell the difference between Asians, she's the one on the right) will be debuting a new reality dating show on MTV later this fall. Tila writes:

These guys and girls won't know that I am bisexual until I reveal to them both later on the show....and from then's all Craziness and drama and sexy times all on my new journey to find true love as a bisexual! WHEW! Is this crazy or what????? May the better sex win my love! My new tv show is called "A SHOT AT LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILA" there will be 10 episodes and each show is 1 full hour each!!!!

Kudos to Ms. Tequila for promoting diversity on television of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. The world needs to be more tolerant of hawt bisexuals looking for a good time. Hopefully Tila will also prove how kewl azns are. Just looking at Tila makes me want to spike and dye my hair, drive a rice rocket, go to import shows, own a xanga page, grow my pinky nail out, and play "Starcraft" and "Counter-Strike" at a Korean-run Internet cafe. I shudder to think what kind of society we'd be without people like her.

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Thursday, September 6, 2007

Bloggle Vision: Round 1

"Bloggle Vision" is a weekly, speculative column on topics as near as a day in the future up to as far away as a year. Remember to check back on each entry to see how close the predictions ended up being.

a) The season finale of "Who Wants to Be a Superhero?" airs tonight on Sci-Fi. The final two competitors will be The Defuser and Hyper-Strike. Stan Lee will choose The Defuser because he conforms better to Lee's writing style.

b) WWE Monday Night Raw revealed that Mr. Kennedy is not Mr. McMahon's illegitimate son. His son will be revealed next Monday night. It will still end up being Mr. Kennedy despite the attempt at a swerve. This is based on the clue, "things are looking up." Mr. Kennedy's microphone drops down from the ceiling.

c) "Grand Theft Auto IV" is still set to be released around Quarter 2 of next year (it ends on April 30, 2008). The game's more realistic tone will probably rule out the appearance of a jet pack device. In order to allow the player to explore as much of the massive urban environment as possible, Nico will be skilled at parkour.

d) Production for the live action "Street Fighter" movie is to begin in early 2008. Since the plot centers around Chun-Li and is directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak ("Cradle 2 the Grave"), it will pretty much be a rip-off of female revenge films like "Kill Bill" and "The Brave One."

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Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Hot Cops On The Case

Engadget has an article about a Chicago policeman that caught a criminal while using a Segway. Engadget said:

Whilst patrolling the streets and enjoying the summer breeze, the officer heard shots fired and decided to wheel over and see what the commotion was all about. Sure enough, the baddies were found scurrying away from the scene of a crime, and while one suspect managed to escape, the other wasn't so fortunate.

The apprehended suspect better be prepared for the imminent "pounding" that awaits in jail. There are some humuliating reasons to find yourself in the slammer. Getting arrested by an officer on a Segway will put you on the bitch list considerably faster than the 12.5 mph top speed of the vehicle itself.

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Sunday, September 2, 2007

The Driver Of Japanese Industry

Anime is a big business right? We go to anime conventions where people buy truckloads of stuff. Isn't it as popular in Japan?

In Japan, anime makes 2 trillion yen a year in profit. However, also in Japan, love hotels (hotels that charge by an hourly rate, and tend to contain sexual aids and enhancements in the rooms), clear 4 trillion yen a year in profit.

Some other factoids to consider:

1% of the entire Japanese propulation checks into a love hotel each day. With a population of around 130 million, that would be 1.3 million.

Half of all sex in Japan is had in love hotels. Seriously, people pay for the privilege of having sex. Well, not so much different here, I suppose. I guess the vast majority of Japanese are having affairs, which necessitates the need to get out of the house.

Original Story Here

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Cloverfield Roar

What you just heard was the sound of the monster roar from the still unnamed Cloverfield project of J.J. Abrams. What's there to say about it? Does it sound like a giant monster? Would it send chills down your spine if you heard it following a power outage while you were in New York City? All I know is the buzz for this movie is going downhill fast. It's probably for the better since the last time a giant monster was hyped down our throats, we got the "Godzilla" remake. That movie was so shitty that its clips have been reused for a Doritos commercial. If you just can't wait until January to see a towering behemoth tear apart a city, you can always catch the dragon orgy that is "D-War" on September 14.

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

NASA Knows Its Priorities

NASA will do its duty of honoring the 30th anniversary of "Star Wars" by sending Luke Skywalker's lightsaber into space. It will be carried on the space shuttle Discovery during its October launch. Chewbacca and other Star Wars characters will hand off the lighsaber in a ceremony at Oakland International Airport. But that's not all. IGN said:

This will be followed by a spectacular departure aboard a Southwest Airlines flight as Chewbacca and his galactic friends help push back the airplane on the tarmac.

Once the flight lands in Houston, Stormtroopers will help escort the lightsaber off the plane as R2-D2 and other famous Star Wars characters kick-off the second half of the celebration at Gate 47 in William P. Hobby Airport.

The fanfare will conclude outside baggage claim where the lightsaber will be transported by a caravan of Hummers with an official City of Webster police escort to NASA's Space Center Houston where it will be secured inside the lunar vault.

Talk about overkill for an inanimate object. National heroes and world leaders don't get that kind of respect and protection. It's ironic that the entire journey leads up to the prized artifact being loaded onto a vehicle that's been known to explode in the atmosphere. Twice. Sure, the chance of an explosion happening are low, but the Empire thought the same way when it built the Death Star. Twice.

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Sunday, August 26, 2007

Hollywood/Hasbro Whoring

Even before "Transformers" came out this year, the creatively bankrupt Hollywood studios have been looking for existing properties to turn into the next feature film. With the success of "Transformers" along with other films like the "Pirates of the Caribbean" trilogy, it should come as no suprise that G.I. Joe is next in line. Variety says:

The accelerated production schedule began right after Sommers pitched his version of the film to Par chairman-CEO Brad Grey and production prexy Brad Weston on Wednesday evening. He was hired in the room.

I'm guessing that meeting was just Sommers saying how much money Transformers made, followed by him dumping a box of G.I. Joe toys on top of the table.

You know, we all have a good laugh joking about other possible properties to turn into movies. Some are even talented enough to make comedic skits like the one posted above. We think to ourselves, "surely they wouldn't make a movie out of (fill in the blank) because that would be ridiculous." But then Variety validates those thoughts with this chilling statement:
WMA is also helping Hasbro with possible movies based on such properties as the board games "Monopoly" and "Battleship."


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Justice League Might Be Awesome

IESB has recently been posting some interesting updates about the upcoming Justice League film. Their first interesting nugget on Friday:

Yes there will be motion capture used in the film but it will not be an all out “motion capture production.” Heavy motion capture will be used for the OMACs, the underwater sequences and such. So, all in all, this will be a traditionally made film with some motion capture characters, pretty much like every big fantasy movie these days.

And the second:
But, I am telling you, we have triple checked this out and all indications are that Tom Welling in fact is a go on the WB side. I rechecked with my sources and they are all still saying yes, yes Tom Welling, yes Justice League, yes production starts early next year and yes Smallville will have to work around it.

You know, there's been so many different incarnations of the Justice League that have appeared in comics, various animated series, and on "Smallville." The only way the feature film will break new ground is through casting. Tom Welling would be a good start. I say they take advantage of the CGI and make Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman look like Adam West, Christopher Reeves, and Linda Carter, respectively. Of course doing so would result in one of two things. Either the entire geek community would let out a collective simultaneous orgasm or the film would end up as a creepy zombie fest of lifeless looking characters. Given the track record of photo-realistic CGI, it would probably end up turning into the zombie fest.

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

NBC Bringing Flexy Back

Variety reports that NBC plans on bringing "American Gladiators" back to television for midseason. While I was a big time fan of the show back in the day, I don't think my enthusiasm is anywhere near that of the masterminds behind the return:

"We've been circling around this property for a long time now," said Craig Plestis, exec VP of alternative programming, development and specials at NBC Entertainment. "It's truly what's not in the TV landscape right now. While everyone's zigging, I'm attracted to doing a zag."

Plestis said he was particularly interested in the original U.K. version of "Gladiators," which focused even more on the characters and the behind-the-scenes stories of common folk going up against the show's powerful stars. The new "Gladiators," he said, "will have the scale, scope, different characters and family drama that the U.K. version had."

"We're not going to completely reinvent the wheel here," he said. "But we're making it better, faster and stronger."

MGM Worldwide TV co-prexy Jim Packer gave his thoughts as well:
"The timing to bring the franchise back is perfect, and NBC is the ideal home," Packer said. "It's a very big, grandiose type of show."

Circling? Attracted to doing a zag? Better, faster and stronger? Big and grandiose? My subtext detector readings are off the charts! I bet if I asked these guys to describe the meeting that generated this idea they would describe it as "a series of back and forth ejaculations of material from our throbbing heads."

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fan Receives Free Replica Of Han Solo In Carbonite, Replaces Solo's Head With Own

Meet Rob. According to Rob, one of his friends was trying to get rid of a life-size replica of the Han Solo frozen in carbonite prop from the original Star Wars trilogy. Rob said:

I screamed a huge lispy "Yes!", and picked it up, but knew I wanted to do something cool with it. So I called my other nerdy special effects pals, and they offered to replace Harrison Ford's face with mine. I was so tired of hearing this offer in my daily life, but decided to finally consider it, so off it went.

It's a well known fact that Harrison Ford, who's been referred to as the sexiest man alive, possesses good looks so radiant that they can melt a person's face off if exposed for prolonged amounts of time. George Lucas was aware of this, and ingeniously came up with the idea to put Han in carbonite to limit Ford's physical exposure to the rest of the cast and crew.

Rob, as you can tell by the picture, also bears the curse of handsomeness. By adopting the plan Lucas came up with, regular people now have a way of looking upon Rob's magnificent visage without fear of their eyes bursting.

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The Swiss Love Frisbee, Neutrality

Like the Koreans to Starcraft and the Brazilians to Gunbound, the Swiss love their frisbee games. They love frisbee so much that they'll even use other disc-like objects when one is not available. They'll even use a heavy, metal explosive device that's meant to knock out tanks. Ananova has a story of two Swiss students that played frisbee with a land mine. The article says:

Lukas Aider, 20, and Christoph Kurz, 19, took a plunge in the Danube river in Budapest when they found the mine and began their potentially lethal game.

A lifeguard watching stopped them and immediately called the police.

A bomb squad then arrived to make safe what turned out to be an old Soviet 6 kilogrammes anti-tank mine.

There are huge campaigns that are meant to bring land mine awareness to war torn areas like Bosnia. They even feature well-known characters like Superman or Bugs Bunny warning about the dangers of these weapons. So of course Switzerland, with its long history of neutrality, would be home to people with complete ignorance of the dangers of land mines. Do the Swiss finally understand the dangers of adopting neutrality?

"With enemies, you know where they stand, but with neutrals—who knows. It sickens me."

-Zapp Brannigan

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

You Can't Come Back To Life Unless The Government Says It's Okay

Original Story here

China has passed a law making it illegal for Buddhist monks living outside China to seek reincarnation without permission from the government.

Of course, the purpose of this law is to attempt to diminish the influence of the Dalai Lama and Tibet. However, in this case the joke writes itself; one can't help but marvel at the absurdity of this.

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Friday, August 17, 2007

Biel Takes Lead In Hottest Jessica Contest

The stalemate between Jessicas Biel, Alba, and Simpson over who's the hottest Jessica ended this week. Fresh from her eye-popping appearance in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Jessica Biel will be shedding even more clothing in her upcoming film, Powder Blue. According to a Page Six source, Biel "signed a contract that explicitly details the bare minimum fans will see - including shots of her breasts and butt." She'll be playing a stipper trying to raise money for her terminally ill son.

Not only does Biel gain more points this week, but Simpson and Alba lose a couple. Jessica Simpson broke her nose while filming her movie, Major Movie Star. As for Jessica Alba, more promotional material is being released for her upcoming romantic comedy, Good Luck Chuck, with the increasingly annoying Dane Cook. Despite the turn of events, the competition is by no means over. It will end only when the Jessicas settle their differences in a decathlon type challenge that includes pillow fighting, pole dancing, and oil wrestling.

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Hitman Could Have Killed Me Twice, By Now

Somehow, I was completely oblivious to the fact that 20th Century Fox had made a movie of the video game Hitman. Usually I catch things like this early, but I only heard about this one because it’s coming out in two months time. Jesus Christ. Where were you on that one, Extra-Sensory Perception On The Release Of New Movies?

After viewing the trailer, I’m not sure what to think. We don’t really get much, other than the fact that it looks like they took the basic plot of the game, and tried to recreate a lot of visuals. Unfortunately, watching the trailer also reminded me that any white man who shaves his head invariably ends up looking like a giant thumb. No, really. Watch the trailer, and you'll see what I'm talking about. You'll spend half the time wondering where the rest of the hand is hiding.

But hey, a movie where a giant thumb shoots a ton of people? That could be cool.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Jurassic Park Still Not Extinct

Bloody-Disgusting has the latest details on the upcoming "Jurassic Park" sequel. Laura Dern will be reprising her role as Dr. Ellie Sattler although Sam Neill won't be returning as Dr. Alan Grant. I wonder if it's because the plot has to do with the government training dinosaurs to carry weapons for use in battle. This many movies in, and people never realize how dangerous dinosaurs are. Robert Muldoon, from the original "Jurassic Park," was the only character that had the right idea.

Muldoon would say, "They should all be destroyed." He would scream fanatically, "Shoot her! Shoot her!" And he would finally ask, "What about the lysine contingency? We could put that into effect."

Alas, his words fell on deaf ears. Because whether it's for money, scientific study, or exploitation, nobody wants to kill a dinosaur. Even Muldoon, the most anti-dinosaur person on the planet, could only muster a "clever girl" quip and shoot wildly into the air before being devoured by a velociraptor.

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Monday, August 13, 2007

Matt Damon?

Matt Damon will be playing himself on a September 3 episode of "Arthur" on PBS. Except it won't really be himself. It's an animated version of Matt Damon. With bear ears. And a pink critter nose. And a coat of brown fur all over his body. And he's wearing a muscle shirt with a pink phallic building drawn on it. One can only wonder what kind of a stir this image is making among certain portions of the Internet community.

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Sunday, August 12, 2007

Jean Grey Is Insane

What I'm really enjoying right now is Jean Grey's portrayal in Ultimate X-Men. In the original Marvel Universe stories, an alien entity known as the Phoenix put Jean in suspended animation and lived out her life for a brief period of time. The Phoenix became corrupted by its own power, killed a billion aliens, and ended up committing suicide to atone for its sins. Some time afterwards, a clone of Jean appeared, named Madelyne Pryor. Madelyne was Cyclops's love interest until he left her for the real deal. This was after the two of them had a baby, which would later grow up to become Cable. Madelyne goes insane and makes a deal with some demons to become the Goblin Queen. Just like the Phoenix, she ends up killing herself.

The Ultimate Universe re-imagines these two convoluted concepts by simply making Jean bat shit crazy. Why have multiple versions of one character go nuts when all you need is one? This version of Jean sees little goblins whenever she uses her telekinetic abilities. In the latest issue of Ultimate X-Men, the Phoenix appears to Jean as a flaming female entity and tries to possess her with a fiery, naked, and possibly romantic embrace. Each month I'm expecting Jean to just shave her head and start hitting vehicles with an umbrella. If she gets killed off, it should in an equally outrageous fashion as her life. I'm thinking something like keeling over in public from a drug overdose and then choking on her own vomit.

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Thursday, August 9, 2007

Worst. Burglary. Ever.

Probably not the worst, but certainly one of the lamest heists a criminal could pull. Ralph's Comic Corner in Ventura, California was robbed Tuesday morning by burglars that came through the store's ceiling. At least the manager knows that this is more of a nuisance than an actual crime. Mike Sterling says:

We were lucky with this latest robbery, for the most part...according to the alarm company records, about one minute elapsed between the motion detector picking up something moving in the store and registering the opening of the back door. So the burglar (or burglars - who knows?) spent one panicked minute running around our shop in the dark, burglar alarm blaring, searching through the glass cases for something to take until they decided on Witchblade, Spawn, some variant covers, and a few other recent books.

So instead of emptying the register, grabbing the rare comics collection, or even taking any of the overpriced comic related merchandise the burglar(s) settled for the "cool" looking comics. Seriously now, Witchblade? Spawn? Since when have those properties been popular enough to warrant burglary? I estimate the potential loot to be worth less than a hundred dollars. And that's if the criminal(s) aren't dumb enough to try selling the stuff back to the same store. They probably could've made more by roughing up some middle school kids for their money.

This really should come as no surprise for those familiar with how lame Ventura county is. You see, Ventura is populated by people like former Iowa residents and creepy middle aged men that make out with fourteen year olds at a Bloodhound Gang concert. It's only a matter of time before these geniuses are caught. And where they're going, they'll soon be turned into collector's items.

(cue music)

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Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Piss-Screen Game Makes A Splash With Germans

Forget the PS3, the Xbox 360, and even the Wii. They're nothing but pitiful tinkles when compared to the frothy stream of revolutionary gaming that is the Piss-Screen! The official website says:

The Piss-Screen - a pressure-sensitive inlay set within urinals, enabling users to play while they pee. We installed this newfangled creation in male restrooms across Frankfurt, teaming up with a variety of bars, clubs and cafés. The game itself was displayed on a screen above each urinal, and would automatically start as soon as someone began to pee. The player could then control the car whilst relieving himself – if they wanted the car to go right, they simply peed to the right (and visa versa).

Did you know that Germans like to drink? I know I didn't. Evidently, drinking and driving has become such a problem that a group of developers took it upon themselves to come up with a way to curb the habit. And that's the story behind the greatest gaming system known to man.

Of course, women are once again left out of the loop since they don't have a version to play in their respective restrooms. I think it's pretty obvious why. They a) can't drive to begin with and b) suck at videogames. I'm sure if they wanted to play the Piss-Screen badly enough, they could partake in some improvised multiplayer action. The guy watches the road while the girl handles his junk. Wow, the Piss-Screen is a pretty good driving simulator as well!

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Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Gamestop Hates Quality, Punches Babies

The last part of that title may not be true, but I wouldn’t be surprised, after how true the first part is. Let me tell you a story.

It’s a story about a guy we’ll call Bob. Bob plays Halo 2 competitively, and knows that you need to play it on the original Xbox, because the 360 emulation for Halo 2 blows goats. As anyone who plays games competitively knows, having the appropriate controller makes a world of difference – if you play with some whack-ass controller that was made in Nigeria from sticks and cow dung, you’re going to have some difficulty. Bob learned that with few exceptions, 3rd party Xbox controllers suck more dick than Mr. Cheney’s wife. After having the thumbsticks of a controller literally disintegrate in his hands, Bob swore to only use Official Microsoft Xbox controllers.

The problem Bob encountered was that these were becoming increasingly hard to come by. Without resorting to eBay, it was near impossible to find them new, but relatively possible to find them used at local game stores. One of the game stores that offers used merchandise is the demon-spawn known as Gamestop. Bob had been to this store before, so he figured he’d give it a try. Hey, the store said all of its used merchandise was 100% Guaranteed! Hard to get much better than that, right?

So Bob bought a used controller, and took it home. He plugged it into his Xbox, and turned on Halo. After the game loaded, he discovered that his character was spinning in a circle like a satanic top. Upon some inspection of his controller, he discovered that both joysticks were broken. Surprised, he returned the controller to Gamestop, and asked for another one. They exchanged it, Bob took it home, and discovered that the Y Button on this one was broken. He took it back, got a new one, and discovered that the Left Trigger on this one didn’t function.

After making some polite inquiries with the end of a blunt object, it was admitted to Bob that Gamestop did not actually test any of the used merchandise they received. None of it. You could sell them a fucking Xbox with a brick inside, and they’d smile and put it on the shelf the next day. How in the hell is this a 100% Guarantee? Because it’s 100% Guaranteed to have been dropped from a two story building by its previous owner before being sold?

I’m sorry, I have to stop writing this. I need to go shit on my Xbox, then sell it to Gamestop. I know they’ll buy it, and then sell it right back to people dumb enough to buy used merchandise from that fucking store.

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Sunday, August 5, 2007

Vegansexuals: Don't Hate The Player, Hate The Game

What do you call someone that says he or she doesn't want to have sex with meat-eaters because their bodies are made up of animal carcasses? "Crazy," "judgmental," "hypocritical," and "moronic" seem to work pretty well. Ask me on the right day and I'll even accept "moral." Only problem is those terms are too typical. You need something that will catch reader attention and hopefully get people to think that you're a leading expert on these types of people. Maybe you can even get other to think that you've discovered a totally new breed of human by inventing a word. How about "vegansexual?"

That's exactly what you'll find in a story from New Zealand's Christchurch Press about these so called vegansexuals. The articles says:

The co-director of the New Zealand Centre for Human and Animal Studies at Canterbury University, Annie Potts, said she coined the term after doing research on the lives of "cruelty-free consumers".

Cruelty-Free Consumption in New Zealand: A National Report on the Perspectives and Experiences of Vegetarians and other Ethical Consumers asked 157 people nationwide about everything from battery chickens to sexual preferences.

Many female respondents described being attracted to people who ate meat, but said they did not want to have sex with meat-eaters because their bodies were made up of animal carcasses.

"It's a whole new thing – I have not come across it before," said Potts.

People that choose the lifestyle described above don't bother me. Logically speaking, they probably wouldn't be into oral so it's not like I'm missing out. On a side note, I tried looking for an image of a sexy vegan for this post but failed miserably.

What bothers me are people like Annie Potts that just have to coin a term so they can be known for something, even if it's as ridiculous as naming percentage of a percentage of people. Based on Potts's research, a group of less than 157 people is all it takes to be considered a totally different type of vegan, let alone a newly discovered sexual lifestyle.

You know why Potts hasn't "come across it before?" There's no such thing as a vegansexual. But there is such a thing as people that choose not to have sex with a particular person for whatever reason they see fit. It's called having standards. Incidentally, people also need to have standards for word usage because there's no need to go come up with new buzzwords to describe every little phenomenon they come across. Just file it under the weird column. You'll know what I mean after reading some of the quotes from various people in that article.

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Saturday, August 4, 2007

A Street With No Name...

Well I figure I'd give it at least a year before it loses its name. The street that I'm talking about is NAFTA's I-69. It's a toll road from Mexico to Canada, but who the hell cares? It's 69 baby. This beauty is going to be 1430 miles of Interstate signs prime for the picking. The perfect sign to decorate your room right next to One Way and below "your name" Ave. Every college student and hell any man who's looking for the perfect answer to "What's your sign" will be taking a road trip once this baby opens up. It has been said that this road will bring together the cost effective Mexico to the assembly lines in Canada. All I can think of is latin spice and some fair skinned hot Canadians. A multicultural three way between our ladies to the north and those to the south. Fun for all and the signs prove it. Thank you NAFTA, or whoever thought the interstate we were missing was a little INTERstate 69. Giggidy Giggidy!

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Friday, August 3, 2007

Mickey Mouse And The Last Resort

One of my favorite comic related columns has to be Brian Cronin's Comic Book Urban Legends Revealed. This week, he shows a series of Mickey Mouse comic strips concerned entirely with Mickey trying and hilariously failing at killing himself. Why that gosh darn mouse messes everything up from shooting himself in the face, jumping off a bridge, drowning in a lake, suffocating from gas, or hanging from a tree. The entire story arc can be read here, courtesy of Barnacle Press.

What's surprising is that although most of the Mickey Mouse comic strips were done by Floyd Gottfredson, it was Walt Disney himself that came up with the idea of Mickey attempting suicide. While it might seem a little twisted for Walt Disney's sense of humor, keep in mind that the uncut version of "Steamboat Willie" had Mickey chucking some piglets away from a mother pig so he can play music with her teats. So now you know why Mickey Mouse is such a hardcore character in the "Kingdom Hearts" series.

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Thursday, August 2, 2007

Ethan Haas Is Full Of Shit

So August 1 rolls around. Let's all point our browser to, right? Oh wait, no, they're late. Give it a day.

I come back today, and click "Yes, I'm ready."

I'm linked to It's a... tabletop RPG? That's IT?!

If you didn't know, it turns out the Ethan Haas thing and the Cloverfield project have NOTHING in common. It was just coincidence they started on the same day.

But what the hell did all of that "They're coming" shit have to with anything? The game... has no point. It was to sell us a FUCKING TABLETOP RPG.

Understandably, people on their forums are pissed as all hell.

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Grand Theft Auto 4 Delayed to 2008



So much for my big incentive to buy an XBox 360 this year. I suppose now I can wait until Microsoft starts building units that don't catch fire and explode. Strauss Zelnick, Chairman of Take-Two, said:

"Certain elements of development proved to be more time-intensive than expected, especially given the commitment for a simultaneous release on two very different platforms," said Take-Two chairman Strauss Zelnick in a statement.

This never would have happened if Rockstar didn't have to develop the game for that oversized fail-machine PS3. Between the Wii's backward graphical capabilities, the XBox's hardware issues, and the PS3's severe lack of titles, it would just be nice to hear some good news once in a while.

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Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Zombies. 'Nuff Said.

More news continues to flow from last week's Comic Con. You know what they say. When theres no more room in hell for the makers of crappy zombie films, then the dead will walk the earth under the vision of George Romero and Max Brooks. CBR says:

Shot entirely on subjective camera and security camera footage, "Diary of the Dead" will follow the story of a group of college students experiencing the first night of a zombie breakout. "That's what this one is, it's about a bunch of college kids that were out doing a school project when the shit hits the fan."

When asked what inspired the premise behind "Diary," Romero explained that he makes his movies based on what he sees in today's world. "'Land' is about the Bush Administration basically," Romero said. "And 'Diary' is about YouTube."

As for Brooks, his book, "World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War," is in the process of being adapted into a feature film.

It's comforting to know that there are still some great zombie movies in the works. They'll be like the simple yet always overlooked head shot needed to destroy the rotting, undead corpses of the "Resident Evil" and "House of the Dead" films.

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