Thursday, July 5, 2007

Rock Band Demonstration Released - Adults Challenged To Question Their Maturity Once Again

Have you always wanted to be in a rock and roll band but lacked the discipline and patience to learn a real musical instrument? Then you've probably spent several hundred hours playing Guitar Hero by now. But consider Guitar Hero merely the gateway game leading you down a much darker path. Harmonix will soon be pushing their new highly addictive product on the unsuspecting pretty soon, and they've just released their first sampler to get us drooling. A video featuring the highly anticipated rhythm game, Rock Band, has finally been released, which adds to the Guitar Hero formula by including a bass guitar, drums, and a microphone.

I have to say, I was not impressed with this video. For all intents and purposes, the game looks really fun. My Guitar Hero controller has a permanent place next to my Playstation, and I find myself playing it long after I thought I'd grow tired of it, despite the constant criticism by those who've never played it themselves. "Why don't you just play a real guitar?" Because it's a bit more complicated than pressing 5 brightly colored buttons, and sometimes I just feel like playing a fucking game, that's why. That said, it will be nice to play some new songs, and some new instruments. Being a DrumMania fan, I'm especially eager to try the drum kit.

Why am I not thrilled about this game then? Take a look at the folks playing it. Just LOOK at these four adults, clutching miniature plastic versions of musical instruments, trying not to look like massive tools, but failing miserably. Yes, I know I'm a hypocrite. Yes, I know I play Guitar Hero. But I play Guitar Hero by myself, in the privacy of my home, far away from other people's judging eyes. I know I look like an idiot when I play with my plastic guitar, but I forget that when I'm in the middle of a furious Freebird solo. You know what else is a lot of fun? Masturbating. But you don't do that in front of other people, either. You know what it's called when four people come together and masturbate? It's called a circle jerk - and that's what this game looks like. A massive circle jerk.

Also, it's bad enough getting stuck being the bassist in a real band. How lame are you going to feel playing bass in a make-believe band with Johnny Four-Eyes screaming a karaoke version of Welcome to the Jungle in your ear?


SpudMuffin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SpudMuffin said...

Awww, BOO. The link doesn't work anymore. I wanted to watch the circle jerk.

Nice writeup.

Xombie said...

Link fixed.

Did you notice that the drummer kind of looks like David Grohl?